


He Should Have Stayed

by Triangle_Goddess



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-13 10:11:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20580812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Triangle_Goddess/pseuds/Triangle_Goddess
Summary: Good coffee isn’t bitter. That fact alone makes the cup that Bucky is drinking even more disappointing,but he paid three dollars for it, so he was going to drink it. Because really, that’s all he could do at the moment.





	He Should Have Stayed

Good coffee isn’t bitter. That fact alone makes the cup that Bucky is drinking even more disappointing,but he paid three dollars for it, so he was going to drink it. Because really, that’s all he could do at the moment. 

Steve had...Steve had pulled a Stark. Started a family with someone he hardly knew compared to Bucky, and it tore Bucky up inside something fierce. Bucky had never told Steve, not now or then, that the reason he was able to break through seventy years of Hydra programming was because once upon a time, he was absolutely head over heels in love with Steve. 

It had snuck up on him. As kids they were best friends. As teenagers they, or at least Bucky, had started exploring. As adults, Bucky slept with every woman who would have him, because it was better than nothing. But he always knew that there was always someone who would rock his world more than any dame he took home. 

Steve had had knobby knees and pointy elbows and terrible lungs, eyes, and ears. It seemed like the Universe was trying to kill him every second it got, but Steve ever did give in. He was always stubborn like that. That’s what Bucky admired about him the most. 

He had enjoyed looking at Steve’s hands. That was probably Bucky’s favorite part about Steve. He had the hands of an artist, long fingers that had callouses on the side from gripping the pencil to hard. And when he joined the war, they became one of Bucky’s least favorite things about Steve. They were the same hands,long fingers and all, but there were new callouses, from holding guns and riding motorcycles through battlefields. They were no longer the hands of an artist, but a murderer. And Bucky’s were just as red. 

Bucky always thought that Steve had joined because of him, but when he saw the way Steve looked at Peggy, he knew that that wasn’t it. Steve just wanted to do his part, just like he had said. Bucky just so happened to be a happy accident in Steve’s path. 

Seventy years later, and Steve is the one breaking Bucky free. Memories came flooding back as he went through withdrawals, as he stormed every Hydra facility he remembered, as he swiftly killed the ones who did this to him. All the while memories from the war flashed behind his eyelids. 

Then he was in Wakanda for a couple years, getting his shit fixed with Shuri’s help. And when he was finally better, he was fucking dusted. It felt like seconds and years all at once, because any time when he’s not around Steve feels like much to long. 

And then, when everything is finally said and done, in those five seconds that Steve had used to return the stones, Bucky knew deep down that he wasn’t going to come back. Why would he? The only people he’s got left is Bucky and Sam and Bruce and all of the other superheroes. But he knew that Peggy was back there, probably waiting for Steve, because if Steve had been as close as he had claimed he was to her, there’s no way Miss Union Jack hadn’t noticed. She was much too good for that. 

And when Steve didn’t come back, he was still disappointed. He knew it was too good to be true, to hope that maybe Steve would come back, if not for him then everybody else. Till the end of the line. Jesus, what bullshit. 

Bucky watched, as Steve gave the shield to Sam. Which was fine with Bucky, because now that Steve has left him he wanted nothing to do with it. Looking at it made his stomach do flips. Looking at Steve’s aged face, happy and content with somebody other than him? It made him want to vomit. 

Bucky sighed as he gripped his coffee mug a little tighter, not caring anymore if it broke. He would rather feel the sharp ceramic piercing his palm than the pain of Steve leaving him. Abandoning him. All Bucky’s ever wanted was Steve, and it’s Steve who has hurt him the most. And Bucky still wants Steve. 

Steve should have stayed. 

There’s a bell, and it’s close, Bucky knows, but it feels far away. A second later, a strong, warm hand is clapping itself on his shoulder. He looks up, finding Sam’s bright, warm eyes. 

“You ready, partner?” He asked. Bucky shrugs. Then he chugs the rest of his bitter coffee, wishing it had been something better. Just like a lot of other things. But he doesn’t say it out loud loud. He’s had a lot of practice not saying it out loud. 

“As I’ll ever be,” Bucky replies, and there’s a bitter taste in his mouth. He’s not completely sure that it’s from the coffee. 

They walk out of the diner together.

Bucky wishes it was Steve.


End file.
